Spiritual Abuse: The Narcissistic Patterns Driving Megachurches
In recent years, scandals surrounding megachurches like Hillsong have exposed a pervasive culture of abuse, manipulation, and control. Beneath the grandeur of rock concert-like services, celebrity affiliations, and expert marketing lies a pattern of exploitation that mirrors the classic traits of narcissistic abuse.
At its core, narcissistic abuse revolves around power, control, and maintaining an image that conceals deeper dysfunction. Megachurches—like Hillsong, Zoe LA, Vous, Gateway, and many others—operate on these same principles. The charismatic leadership seen in figures like Carl Lentz, who was later exposed for infidelity and sexual misconduct, often projects an idealized image of spiritual leadership while exploiting the vulnerability and trust of followers.
Targeting Vulnerability: How Megachurches Exploit Trauma
Much like narcissists, megachurches prey on individuals who are in vulnerable stages of their lives—whether they are facing grief, life transitions, or grappling with past or present trauma. These churches, with their perfect marketing and hand-selected, Instagram influencer-looking staff, offer a seductive blend of heartfelt community and relational security. Their use of emotional and spiritual language resonates deeply with people searching for meaning, belonging, or healing. While phrases like "family" and "spiritual home" can sound comforting to those feeling lost, abandoned, misunderstood, or alone, they are often used as tools to entrap rather than to heal.
Many survivors of megachurch abuse report being drawn to the church during times of crisis—myself included. I was 21, living in New York City, broke and alone after escaping a long-term abusive relationship. At that point, Hillsong NYC felt like coming up for air after nearly drowning. I felt hope for the first time in a long time.
Once inside, however, the church deepened my trauma rather than healing it—a common experience among survivors of megachurch abuse. Like a narcissist who mirrors a victim’s deepest desires and needs, megachurch leaders craft messages that appear to soothe the emotional wounds of their followers, only to exploit them later. My experience mirrored this pattern: Hillsong provided community when I was isolated, accepted me in my brokenness (until they didn’t), and kept me busy with volunteer roles to distract me from the depth of my trauma. They elevated me in those roles, even promoting me to assist lead pastors in the green room and run their personal errands on Sundays. Yet, throughout it all, they played into my insecurities, grooming me for dependency, obedience, and unquestioning loyalty.
Isolation: Cult-Like Dynamics and Groupthink
A hallmark of narcissistic abuse is isolating the victim, cutting them off from outside influences that might encourage independent thought or expose the pattern of abuse. Megachurches employ a similar strategy. By subtly promoting the idea that members should primarily surround themselves with other Christians, these churches create a social bubble that reinforces groupthink. Questioning leadership or the church’s teachings becomes increasingly difficult when all your friends are within the same closed circle. There’s nowhere to go, and no one to turn to.
Former members of megachurches like Hillsong often describe how the church discouraged friendships with “non-believers,” mirroring the isolation tactics commonly seen in abusive relationships. Just as a narcissist works to undermine outside relationships, making their victim dependent on them alone, megachurches erode external ties and make members reliant on the church and their staff for identity, community, and support.
How Megachurches Mirror Narcissistic Abuse
The parallels between megachurch culture and narcissistic abuse are undeniable. Both systems thrive on manipulation, secrecy, and a carefully curated image that conceals the pervasive dysfunction underneath. Key similarities include:
Love-bombing: New members are showered with attention, validation, and a sense of belonging—much like how a narcissist overwhelms their target with affection to hijack their hormones and gain control. Hillsong literally had banners reading “Welcome Home” and “You Belong Here” hung around every single venue they occupied, globally.
Devaluation and gaslighting: Once members are deeply embedded in the church, any dissent is met with shame or manipulation. Sermons emphasize that individuals’ thoughts or concerns are weak or misguided, discouraging critical thinking. When I sought help after being groomed and sexually assaulted by my former boss (who by the way, was a pastor at a different church), I was told I wasn’t “safe” for the Hillsong pastors to be around and was immediately removed from all volunteer roles.
Exploitation: Like narcissists who exploit their victims emotionally, financially, and/or physically, megachurches extract free labor, time, and money from their followers under the guise of spiritual service. This has become a central theme in many docuseries on megachurches, and it leads to members sacrificing their mental, emotional, and financial well-being for the church’s growth, all in the name of Christ though.
Moving Forward & Moving On: Healing Megachurch Trauma
In 2016, I walked away from Hillsong Church and shortly thereafter, I left the Christian faith altogether. Leaving wasn’t easy—much like leaving an abusive relationship, leaving a megachurch or cult-like environment comes with isolation and a deep sense of loss. After years of being told what to believe, I had no idea who I was without the church’s influence, and I was left to confront the unprocessed trauma that both the church and my life had created.
Since leaving the church, I’ve joyfully explored different spiritual philosophies and healed many of the wounds megachurch culture left behind. As a somatic therapist specializing in trauma, I understand how deeply religious abuse/religious trauma can impact the body and mind, leaving survivors disconnected from themselves and others, and stuck in survival mode. Healing from this kind of trauma often means untangling both the mental and physical impacts.
How I Work with Clients Healing from Religious Trauma
Restoring connection to the body: Somatic therapy helps individuals reconnect with their internal sensations—the intuitive signals we were taught to suppress and ignore—signals that exist to keep us safe. This process helps rebuild safety and groundedness, protecting us from falling into future abusive relationships or cult-like environments.
Rebuilding trust: Like with narcissistic abuse, trusting again can feel impossible after spiritual trauma. I help clients restore their ability to trust their own gut feelings, emotions, and boundaries, empowering them to act from a place of safety.
Integrating the spiritual and physical: Healing from religious trauma doesn’t mean abandoning your faith, although it did for me. My goal is to support clients as they navigate questions about their beliefs, values, and identity—helping them reclaim their spirituality or redefine it in ways that feel authentic and safe.
If you’ve survived cult-like environments, religious trauma, or spiritual abuse, I am deeply sorry for the pain you’ve endured. Please know that you are not alone—it’s not your fault you ended up in that situation, and there is so much hope and freedom beyond the restrictive box your former organization placed you in. Through somatic practices, psychoeducation, and a supportive environment, you can reclaim your autonomy and heal deeply. If this resonates with you, please reach out so we can work together to heal these wounds.
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