Trauma, Healing, and Becoming a Therapist: My Mental Health Story
Hi, I’m Clara Mackinlay.
Human first, therapist second
If you’re looking for a therapist who gets it—who intimately understands what it’s like to navigate trauma, healing, and the wild ride of self-discovery—you’re in the right place. I might look like a white girl who has it all together (neither of those things are true), but trust me—I’ve been there, done that, and lived to tell the tale.
My journey into the world of healing started way before therapy school. It started when I was 14, lying in a hospital bed on a Friday night after a near-fatal car accident, wondering how I was supposed to “go back to normal” on Monday, when nothing about life felt normal anymore. Spoiler: I didn’t. Instead, I unknowingly spent the next ten years living with undiagnosed PTSD, which quickly snowballed into other mental health issues like trichotillomania, OCD, anxiety, depression, and mood disorders. Over those ten years, I also developed coping mechanisms (like perfectionism and overachieving) that helped mask my profound sense of shame and supported me in surviving day-after-day but left me feeling lost, disconnected, exhausted, and at war with myself.
Enter my “acting out in every way possible” era—sneaking out, drinking, shoplifting, ditching school—you name it, I did it. If it numbed the pain, I tried it. Eventually, things spiraled so much that I was “sent away” (kidnapped) to a “therapeutic” boarding school (one of those that later shut down for abuse, because of course it did). That experience only added more trauma to my long list of “crazy shit that happened.” By 17, I had dropped out of high school, watched my parents' marriage implode, and was just trying to figure out how to make it through the day.
At 19, miserable, depressed, and wanting to get the hell away from my family, I moved to New York City by myself. Cue my “hustle harder” era—I worked every job imaginable, made absolutely terrible choices, developed a cocaine dependency, dated a con artist twice my age, and then joined a Christian cult because I thought Jesus could save me. My years in New York were spent making mistakes and learning—often the hard way—who I was (and who I wasn’t). Eventually, life brought me to my knees, and I couldn’t keep going the way I had been. I was in so much emotional and psychological pain, and I wanted to heal.
So instead of finding a better therapist, I took a Psych 101 class. (Also, I was tired of slinging drinks to creepy guys and figured it was time for a real career.)
Psychology gave me something I desperately needed—answers. It helped me make sense of what had happened to me, and the role I was playing in perpetuating trauma cycles in my life, and that clarity became the foundation of my healing. The clarity also gave me a sense of control over the chaos, and ultimately gave me hope that things could get better… and they did … very slowly. Over time I figured that if healing was possible for me, it was possible for other people too. I had survived so much hard, crazy shit on my own, and I didn’t want others to have to go through it alone too. So I pushed on in school and decided I wanted to be a therapist.
Fast forward, I moved back to California and, over a span of 10 years, I: earned my Bachelor’s in Psychology from UCLA and a Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University. I dove deep into Somatic Experiencing®, learning how trauma lives in the body and how we can actually release it (not just talk about it for years). I became a certified Reiki practitioner, yoga instructor, and trauma-informed psychedelic coach. I studied therapeutic touch, sacred medicines, nervous system healing, and how to reconnect with intuition. And I spent many, many nights communing with the stars and the earth in ayahuasca ceremonies.
And, of course, I put it all to the test in my own life. I learned to stop intellectualizing my pain and start feeling it. I discovered the power of somatic therapy, energy work, and spiritual practices. I found a way to trust myself again.
okay hang on, let me put on my therapist hat …
I’m nowhere near having my shit together—and don’t let any therapist fool you into thinking they have it all figured out (no one does!). But I’ve learned a thing or two … and one of the most important things I’ve learned is that healing is possible and real, life changing healing is holistic. It’s mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, and all the things in between.
Sometimes, healing looks like all the mainstream things we get advertised: therapy, body work, breathwork, yoga, journaling, deep inner exploration, and all the mainstream things we get advertised. It’s sitting with your shadows, naming the pain, and rewiring your nervous system one breath at a time, one session at a time.
And sometimes, healing looks like belly laughter with friends, dancing barefoot under the moon, booking the damn plane ticket, or working with the wisdom of plants. Because let’s be real—nature has been doing this whole healing thing way longer than we have, and there’s ancient medicine in the earth and her rhythms. We could learn a thing or two by slowing down, getting curious, and remembering that joy is just as sacred as grief.
Healing isn’t a straight line—and it’s not always found in silence, stillness, or struggle.
Sometimes, it’s found in movement, pleasure, connection, and wonder. I encourage each of my clients to explore the nuance and the paradoxes within their healing journey.
The way I work as a therapist is, first and foremost, informed by my own healing journey—by the things I’ve actually worked through and learned in my personal therapy. Then, it’s informed by all the fancy pieces of paper sitting in a folder in a box somewhere that say I’m educated, certified, and licensed to do whatever it is I do with my clients. My approach blends somatic therapy, inner child/parts work, woo-woo-witchy magic, plant wisdom, psychedelics and LOTS of sarcasm, laughter, and crying. And somehow (I know how), it helps my clients untangle the past, regulate their nervous systems, and step into lives they don’t want to escape from. Can you imagine?!
So if you’re in your “there’s got to be a better way” era—welcome. I see you. I get it. And I’m here to help.
My in-person private practice is located in Pasadena, CA and I also offer virtual or online therapy to clients throughout California. I currently reside in the Los Angeles area with my loving partner of five years, Ben, and our two cats, Chami and Mala. In my free time, you can find me outdoors (preferably in the sun), on the dance floor, cooking while I sing along to the Grateful Dead, binging a good show, or planning my next adventure.
Just a few labels & Experiences you and I might have in common
Trauma + Recovery
Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) survivor
Survivor of narcissistic abuse
Suicide attempt survivor
Lifelong struggle with body dysmorphia
Gender + Culture + Spirituality
Cisgender woman navigating healing in the patriarchy
Christian cult survivor who has deconstructed faith
Psychonaut and lover of plant medicines
Claircognizant and developing medium
Identity + Upbringing
Generational cycle breaker (“black sheep”)
Parentified child (and middle child)
First-generation American (Latina/Hispanic)
High school dropout
Mental Health + Neurodivergence
Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
Neurodivergent (ADHD)
People-pleaser (in recovery)
Perfectionist / Overachiever (in recovery)
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I’m a high school dropout with a Master’s degree (take that, Ms. Bertran).
I’m the first woman in my entire lineage to attend college.
I’m fully bilingual! I speak, read, and write in Spanish and English.
My ancestors were Indigenous—I come from the Ranqueles tribe of South America.
The longest I’ve spent outside the U.S. was nearly two months in Peru (doing exactly what you think I was doing).
I shaved my head before Britney Spears made it iconic. And yes, my hair is real (I’m very proud of that given my journey with trichotillomania)
I’ve been skydiving twice (and yet, I still hate flying).
I’ve been off social media since 2021 and I've never been happier or healthier.
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Hiking, talking to plants, and hugging trees
Yoga or Bar Method, pretending I enjoy the burn
Buying more plants that Ben will inevitably say we don’t have room for
Trying to find an animal—any animal—to pet
Googling pictures of Highland cows and contemplating farm life
Binge-watching a psychological thriller (obviously)
Reading a psychology with a pretentious-sounding title
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A great cup of coffee and a book
Any warm body of water, especially if it has salt
Cleaning the house and re-setting my space
Pizza, sourdough with butter, and ice cream
Being left the f*** alone for a while
A long day in the sun
Scenic drives with the right music
Dancing my heart out to EDM
The Grateful Dead
Listening to medicine music
Burning resin, palo santo, sage, or piñon
Cuddles with my cats
Traveling, with Ben (awww)
