Is Your Whole Personality a Trauma Response?
unpacking Nervous System Dysreguation
The cultural conditioning of our modern world has led many of us to become disconnected and dissociated from our bodies, resulting in nervous system dysregulation. Our nervous system shapes how we feel within our bodies, perceive ourselves, and relate to others. When regulated, we experience a sense of inner peace and safety, and we are open to connection. However, dysregulation—often due to trauma, overwhelming experiences, or chronic stress—can trap us in unhelpful patterns, often labeled “mental illness.” Symptoms such as persistent anxiety, depression, overwhelm, chronic tension, illness, social isolation, emotional numbness, overreactivity, insomnia, difficulty trusting, and a pervasive sense of pessimism are all indicators of a dysregulated nervous system.
A dysregulated nervous system impacts our physical sensations, sense of self, relationships, and perception of the world.
Symptoms of a Dysregulated Nervous System
Felt Sense: When the nervous system is dysregulated, you might experience constant feelings of anxiety or unease. Your body could be in a state of chronic tension and experience tightness in the chest, headaches, or digestive issues. Some people report feeling numb (“Going through the motions”), disconnected from their bodies, or unable to identify their emotions. It’s like being trapped in a body that’s always on high alert or completely shut down.
Sense of Self: A dysregulated nervous system can leave you feeling fragmented or unsure of who you are, which opens you up to entering an abusive dynamic with another person. You might experience persistent self-doubt, an overactive inner critic, or a sense of inadequacy. Overwhelm becomes a frequent companion, and you may find it difficult to manage emotions or handle stress, leading to feelings of helplessness or a total lack of control over your life.
In Relationship to Others: Relationships can become challenging when your nervous system is dysregulated. You might find it hard to trust others—which is the foundation of connection—leading to isolation or a feeling of disconnection even when you’re surrounded by people. Overreactions to minor stressors can strain your relationships (“the hot-headed friend”), you might rely too heavily on others for validation (“the clingy friend”), or feel overly responsible for others’ emotions (“the peace-keeping friend”). This can create a cycle of dependency that fuels anxiety, stress, and opens you up to abandonment, rejection, desperation, and loneliness. Those with insecure attachment have a dysregulated nervous system.
Perception of the World: When you’re in a state of dysregulation, the world can feel like a dangerous place. You may view your environment as unsafe or unpredictable, always expecting the worst or waiting for the other shoe to drop. This leads to a pessimistic and cynical outlook on life and within relationships, where you focus on negative outcomes and really struggle to believe in the possibility of good things happening. Distrust and hyper-vigilance can become your default modus-operandi, making it hard to exist in the world, see the positive in others, or have hope that things can improve.
With a dysregulated nervous system, everything becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, reinforcing the beliefs you hold that people suck, the world is dangerous, you’re unworthy/unlovable, and no one can prove otherwise. Whew!
